biotechnology

how would an organization, such as the RIAA, monitor my thoughts? clearly, the RIAA, the US Government, and others, desire this type of surveillance and their keys to achieving it are the disciplines of biotechnology and nanotechnology. but, these organizations know they cannot implant tracking devices or brain wave monitoring equipment via public campaign. they know employing biotech to track citizens must be done surreptitiously and covertly.

enter the gastroenterologist. or, alternately, the gastroenterologist will enter you.

***

according to cancer.org, a gastroenterologist is:

"a doctor who specializes in diseases of the digestive (gastrointestinal) tract"

extending cancer.org's definition: in pursuit of curing these diseases, a gastroenterologist performs varying medical procedures, depending on the pathology detected. specifically, two of these procedures are used in screening the colon-

+flexible sigmoidoscopy &
+colonoscopy

the screening involves a camera inserted into the patient's rectum by the gastroenterologist.

***

could you possibly have a polyp? should you get screened via one of these procedures? creating this fear is the first step in the government's biotech surveillance plan.

in fact, gastroenterologists are government operatives of the CIA. the government and other agencies seek to hook you with this fear of disease. they then use gastroenterologists as the vehicle for implanting a nano-tracking device in your colon. and, so you're never aware of what they're actually doing, they put you on drugs like demerol, causing you to become disoriented and to forget the entire procedure. to reinforce their original story, they produce reports from a computer detailing your colon. then, they encourage you to bring in others, friends & loved ones, for screening too. they will not rest until everyone has the "screening" and there are stories of them resorting to abduction of those who do not participate willingly. after all, when you shoot em up with demerol, they're not going to remember the abduction either...

now, with the nano-tracker operating from your colon and unbeknownst to you they will monitor your location. since the nano-tracker also monitors your brainwaves, they can essentially "read your mind" and control you too.

gastroenterologists enable mind control for the US Government. they are now the THOUGHT POLICE... anything they desire is possible. for instance, the IRS will know EXACTLY how much to confiscate from you and you better not fudge a dime on your return...

***

spotting a resistor is relatively easy, they're usually the ones willing to bend or even break rules. conversely, those members of the public that the gastroenterologists have already gotten to usually exhibit behaviors such as stopping at yellow lights, walking in straight lines, and refusing to "loosen up". when you look into their eyes, it's like nobody's home and they NEVER tell jokes or goof around.

abandon them, they're not worth the trouble...but save yourself and purchase a combination lock for your rectum. DO NOT share the combination with anyone, you wouldn't want it known to someone already compromised.

scrutinize your gastroenterologist carefully before sharing your combination and going in for a screening. heed this warning, it is your only hope.

thought police

a friend received a troubling e-mail from the RIAA today. the friend has gone into hiding. the e-mail was provided to me, and simply reading it probably puts me on the RIAA's "enemies list". if you're concerned about being put on their list, stop here.

i want to assure my devoted fans that i intend to fight this kind of nonsense. although it didn't happen directly to me, I AM A FREE THINKER, which scares the RIAA. but, if no one hears from me over the next week or so, theres a possibility i have been abducted by their jack booted thugs, simply for reading this material, forwarded to me. this blog is intended to publicize their threats in the event i am abducted.

we WILL THINK FOR OURSELVES, FIGHT THE POWER!

now, here is the e-mail, in full, with headers:

Return-Path: [mbainwol@riaa.com]
X-Original-To: [address withheld]
Delivered-To: [address withheld]
Received: from cliftonite.moderncs.net (localhost [127.0.0.1])
by cliftonite.moderncs.net (Postfix) with ESMTP id 370F91981E
for [address withheld]; Tue, 15 May 2007 17:20:39 -0400 (EDT)
Received: by cliftonite.moderncs.net (Postfix, from userid 65534)
id 1EC9D28858; Tue, 15 May 2007 17:20:39 -0400 (EDT)
Received: from mail.riaa.com (cliftonite.moderncs.net [192.168.20.20])
by cliftonite.moderncs.net (Postfix) with SMTP id 975AB1981E
for [address withheld]; Tue, 15 May 2007 17:05:19 -0400 (EDT)
From: mbainwol@riaa.com ["Mitch Bainwol, Chairman/RIAA"]
To: Name Withheld [address withheld]
Subject: RIAA royalties
Message-Id: <20070515210519.975ab1981e@cliftonite.moderncs.net>
Date: Tue, 15 May 2007 17:05:19 -0400 (EDT)
X-Spam-Checker-Version: SpamAssassin 3.0.2 (2004-11-16) on
cliftonite.moderncs.net
X-Spam-Level:
X-Spam-Status: No, score=-2.8 required=1.5 tests=ALL_TRUSTED autolearn=ham
version=3.0.2
X-Virus-Scanned: ClamAV using ClamSMTP

Mr. [withheld]:

The Recording Industry Association of America is the trade group that represents the U.S. recording industry. Its mission is to foster a business and legal climate that supports and promotes our members' creative and financial viability.

To this end, we use several methods. One of our methods is deterrence of those who trade music files they have not paid for. However, recently, we have also engaged in deterrence of those who get bad songs stuck in their heads. It is our opinion, that when a bad song is stuck in your head, you're still listening to it, and therefore royalties are due.

It has come to our attention you have recently had the following bad songs stuck in your head in 2007:

B52s- "Love Shack"/05.10.2007/walking on McMillan Ave
Pink Floyd- "Money"/04.28.2007/Kroger Spring Grove grocery trip
Enrique Iglesias- "Hero"/04.18.2007/Plane flight to New York City
Milli Vanilli- "Girl You Know It's True"/04.04.2007/Metro Bus ride for downtown errands
Offspring- "Low Self Esteem"/03.24.07/On the road to Louisville with Cuz
R.E.M.- "Everybody Hurts"/03.05.07/Network gig
Tears For Fears- "Sowing the Seeds of Love"/02.21.07/couchbound waiting for UK basketball to come on
Neil Diamond- "Coming to America"/02.01.07/shower
Michael Jackson- "Black or White"/01.15.07/cleaning upstairs toilet

These are samples and do not constitute the complete list. The complete list will be forwarded to you by our attorneys as we begin the financial, punitive damage phase of our lawsuit.

As you are aware, all music, even BAD MUSIC, is protected by the RIAA. Bad music stuck in your head is considered "stolen" in the eyes of the RIAA. It is in this context that we file this civil suit against you. In no way does the RIAA claim responsibility for producing bad music.

Thank you for your attention to this matter...our attorneys will be in touch with you.

Mitch Bainwol
Chairman/CEO Recording Industry Association of America
511 Lexington Ave
Suite 7700
New York, NY 10017

summer meteorology

this week, for the first time in 2007, we have witnessed the summer weather pattern. amazingly, i had a better idea of how the weather would play out than the brainiac's with the dopplers employed by the local news channels. seriously, check it out:

derek beasley (sp?) of channel 5 started telling me on monday that rain would come tuesday PM. but, i've lived through a couple summers to this point and viewed enough of derek and his cohorts' misinformation to know better.

you see, derek is an automaton and storms make a great tease. during the summer weather pattern, he looks at his dopplers, frontal boundaries, and humidity levels and he knows rain will develop. but consider his industry- info/tainment. derek's real job is ratings and the pathetic truth is: no TV meteorologist wants to UNDERESTIMATE a storm. furthermore, if he OVERESTIMATES he can then tease, tease, tease.

"storms will move through the area later and could produce lightening, hail, and flash flooding. more on that, after these messsages."

it's the alarmist nature of TV news- plain and simple.

so, here's how to interpret what derek and his infobabes are telling you at noon, 5, 530, 6 & 11.

when derek says, RAIN! STORMS! HIGH WINDS! and HAIL! for tuesday PM but there is not a bow echo on radar, then add 24hrs before expected weather. in the example, derek is really saying wednesday PM.

this logic is trumped by the strong fronts- if you see a bow echo on radar coming from the northwest- take cover.

but, 90% of the time, that bow echo just isn't there. 90% of the time the humidity builds first and the high pressure area is not strong enough to push through as a bow echo. so, everyday derek comes on predicting RAIN! STORMS! HIGH WINDS! and HAIL! but no bow echo is present- add another 24hrs. in the example from above, we tune in again wednesday and find high humidities sans a bow echo- now weather is thursday PM. this loop can repeat for a week.

it is extremely rare for the high pressure center to develop over your particular area.

until that sweet canadian air can gather and come on through, it's a soupy heatwave and the derek beasley's from info/tainment-land should stick their dopplers where the sun don't shine- assuming they can figure out where that is.

whether or not they can find that place, they should quit misleading us in the name of selling replacement windows, SUVs, more SUVs, still more SUVs, and carpeting.

finally, the model works in reverse too. derek may say something to the effect of, "after this front moves through we will cool off for X days." usually he will give a 7day outlook showing the cooler period. always subtract 24hrs from the cooler period. so, if derek shows you 3 cool days- you're actually only going to get 2 before the return of the humidity.

apply this method to the summer of 2007 for a more accurate forecast.

cliff notes

to the immediate north of my home is a cliff. not like "grand canyon" cliff, but it's a cliff just the same.

this spring, it would seem a possum has taken MY CLIFF up as it's (don't know the gender) residence. i did NOT move to the city to put up with big game.

so, not since the raccoon battle of 1998 have i faced off against the furry critters of cincinnati. that experience went from "territory marking" all the way to critter control with their associated invoices. this time, i don't want to hire them, so tonight i have begun a random course of indiana gunpowder...you call em fireworks.

we'll see if occasional *ka-booms* are able to move this freakshow to a different cliff.

either it moves, or i move.

when manipulating markets for profit- remember to segment!

Here are the "official" versions of Microsoft's latest Office Suite:

+Microsoft Office 2007 Home and Student Edition
+Microsoft Office 2007 Standard Edition
+Microsoft Office 2007 Small Business Edition
+Microsoft Office 2007 Professional Edition
+Microsoft Office 2007 Professional Plus Edition
+Microsoft Office 2007 Enterprise Edition
+Microsoft Office 2007 Ultimate Edition

In addition, we have the following versions of Microsoft's latest operating system:

+Microsoft Windows Vista Starter Edition (not available in the United States, Canada, the European Union, Australia, New Zealand, or other high income markets as defined by the World Bank.)
+Microsoft Windows Vista Home Basic Edition
+Microsoft Windows Vista Home Premium Edition
+Microsoft Windows Vista Business Edition
+Microsoft Windows Vista Ultimate Edition
+Microsoft Windows Vista Enterprise Edition

OK, I'll translate the World Bank thing for you...they're GIVING AWAY Microsoft Windows Vista Starter Edition in certain countries- why? because in China and India especially, Linux as desktop is gaining market share at an alarming rate. But, throw in the "high income" garbage and you get to look like an altruistic corporate citizen. What a bunch of baloney.

Anyway, there are 7 versions of Office and 6 versions of Windows. I decided thats not enough and offer the following versions Microsoft should also release:

+Microsoft Windows Vista Extra Expensive Edition
+Microsoft Office Goofball Edition
+Microsoft Office 2007 Over The Rhine Edition with Crackpipe Plugin designed for Microsoft Windows Vista Blight and Slum Version (warning: as with ALL other Microsoft titles, these Editions and Versions ARE NOT bulletproof!)
+Microsoft Office 2007 Unprofessional Backtalk Edition with Tourette's Syndrome voice recognition module ..@*+$%!
+Microsoft Office 2007 Monday thru Friday 8a- 6p with Nights and Weekends add on Pack Edition Plus Kentucky Framework Edition Pack and sometimes Y
+Microsoft Office 2007 Thanksgiving Edition with a side of Gravy Packet Feature configured for Microsoft Windows Vista Biscuit Edition running Cheesemuffin Client
+Microsoft Windows Vista Petroleum Edition (available in the United States only) SUV Version and Godzilla SUV Version

...and the funniest one of em all:

+Microsoft Windows Vista Open Source Edition!

Let me know if you think I missed any versions and I will post em here.

don't fake the flava

im not sure what the deal is, occasionally i find myself in the company of adults, who eat like children.

here is what i'm fixing today:

JACKSON'S CHICKEN CREOLE

2 Tbsp butter
half a medium green pepper, chopped
2 medium onions, chopped
.5 cup chopped celery
1lb 4oz-can tomatoes
.5 tsp pepper
1.5 tsp salt
3 red (cayenne) peppers
1 cup water
2 Tbsp corn starch
1 tsp sugar
1.5 Tbsp cold water
2 cups cooked and cubed chicken
6 green or black olives sliced

1- melt butter in slow cooker. add green pepper, red (cayenne) pepper,
onions, and celery. heat.
2- add tomatoes, pepper, salt and 1 cup water.
3- cover, cook on high while preparing remaining ingredients.
4- combine cornstarch and sugar. add 1.5Tbsp cold water and make a smooth
paste. stir into mixture in slow cooker. add chicken and olives.
5- cover, cook on low 2- 3 hours.

i have served this to others and eaten it for lunch at one of my clients' locations. i have heard these remarks,

"i can't eat that."
"i had to throw out that bowl you fixed for me, it was too spicy."
"what is that green stuff in there?"

these statements came from ADULTS.

it seems there is a demographic that eats only "fried and cheese". it also seems many of the members of this demographic are ADULTS.

it was also put to me once that, "if it doesn't go 'moo moo' or 'oink oink' i ain't eating it." this was spoken by an ADULT.

cmon, if you're over the age of 18, you oughtta be able to develop your palate beyond "fried and cheese". try various items and get a sense of the flavors available. try various items besides pizza and cheesburgers and quit crying. your colon will thank you.

so turn off that episode of scooby doo, put down that candybar, cook up the recipe above and stop faking the flava. or, keep living in your world of bacon, i'll catch up with you after dinner.

OPEN LETTER

Dear Uncle Sam,

I got your yearly notification regarding my status in the Social Security program. Thank You, it means so much.

However, I'm concerned about the program. Enough so, that I would rather not participate anymore. No hard feelings Sammy, I'm just not sure its the right direction for my retirement.

So, heres what I was thinking:

+Let me out of the program, like you do your direct employees. I would no longer pay in.
+Keep everything I have sent you to this point. Consider it a gift. You do not need to pay me back interest, principal, or otherwise.

I think the deal is fair. I'm sure you've wisely watched after all that dough I've sent you and that it is growing steadily. Use it for the others, no strings attached!

Remember Sammy, as I've worked for you over the decades, I've become smarter, wiser. I'm controlling more of the details of our little deal- even to the point of doing my own payroll now. So why don't you make this easier on both of us?

Looking forward to seeing you April 15th,

Jason

a day in the void

i wrote "pizza cake" to mean "piece of cake",
the error was intentional.

although one emerges from the void,
part of one can remain in the void.

put another way-
pizza mingles with one's spirit
and one's spirit mingles with the void.

it can remain that way for some time,
like after looking at the sun
and closing your eyes-
you still see the sun floating in your vitreous fluid, correct?

so it is with corn pizza
(the road to hell is paved with maize)
and soy skillets
(soybeans are a tool of satan).

rolling on, you realize:
agriculture has gotten the best of you,
you've changed.

that can't be helped now,
do not dwell.
for the hoosier night brings hallucinations
of signs reading "Cincinnati."

finally- it is clear:

on the eighth day DOG was 99% done with earth,
all that was left to finish was NW indiana.
and DOG said, "forget it, i'm tired."

christmasphobia

occasionally, friends and family accuse me of being a "scrooge"...while i do loathe the silly season- i find this term highly offensive.

in fact, i am a victim...my affliction? christmasphobia.

for example: as a christmasphobe, i believe the impulse to hang lights is not, in fact, celebratory. rather, it is the fat, dumb, american's tendency when his part of the world turns COLD AND DARK. consequently, i am unable to silence christmasphobia's voice inside my head, repeating endlessly:

"christmas light displays are euphemistic for increased energy consumption. christmas light displays are euphemistic for increased energy consumption. christmas light displays are euphemistic for increased energy consumption."

trying to square this voice with my longing for "fitting in" creates great conflict- conflict rooted in christmasphobia. on several occasions, i have attempted to setup a manger scene in my yard with a plastic mary, joseph and baby jesus, but have failed due to the condition. i retreat into a world of anxiety, driven by the demands of materialism.

society will one day offer "programs" and "assistance" for those of us diagnosed with this malady- a malady of isolation manifested by the scorn of friends and family. when names like "scrooge" get tossed around it undermines not only a singular christmasphobe's confidence and ability to succeed, but that of an ever growing mass of fellow christmasphobes.

it's difficult living with chrismasphobia and society is beginning to recognize that. cutting edge studies are underway to measure this growing disorder. the finest researchers all across our fine academic institutions in this country have undertaken the effort to shine the light of science on christmasphobia's genetics and triggers. academia is our only hope for defining this demographic and eventually getting us the help we so desperately need- help in the form of "programs" and "assistance" in conjunction with pills from the likes of merck and pfizer.

until we know more, please do not rush to conclusions about christmasphobes- we are kind, generous and loving people that just need to be loved.

my vision is that, one day, we will no longer have to hear the "s" word. until then, we have a lot of work to do.

signs

ive noticed several signs posted or rules printed that give
me pause-

"rough road"
at times i could swear i'm on a rough road, the automobile i'm riding in is tossing about and the suspension system is taking a beating, but no "rough road" sign is posted. so, the crew that posts the "rough road" signs is doing a terrible job, or i don't understand the threshold for which a road has become rough enough to deserve a sign. in any event, i have a better idea- post signs for the opposite, smooth road. in cincinnati, you'll have ALOT less mileage to cover which should make it easier to manage.

"resume legal speed"
i didn't know there were exceptions to the speed limit, kinda figured it was one of those absolute deals. when i see the "resume legal speed" sign, i'm left to wonder if i couldn't have been making better time up to that point. if i pass through the same corridor later on, and i know the "resume legal speed" marker is coming, can i floor it until i get there? i'm pretty sure the answer is NO, i should be driving the legal speed at all times rendering the sign unnecessary.

"drug free zone"
i thought drugs were illegal in all zones. it would seem all a crack dealer would need to know is: where are the boundaries of the drug free zone? go another couple feet beyond the boundary and setup shop! then again, this might be too sophisticated for their clientele.

"illegal items"
this can be found at the entrance to paul brown stadium. it is on the stadium's prohibited list. it sorta goes with the "drug free zone", however, in this case we're given some indication of the boundary. if you can't bring illegal items into the stadium then presumeably the area just outside the stadium must be where you can have your AK47s, tax free income, and open containers of booze...oh wait a minute, if the bengalberries are playing that day you CAN have open containers of booze outside the stadium but you definitely CANNOT bring them in (they're illegal afterall). although an open container of booze is an "illegal item" throughout the rest of hamilton county, on gameday this "illegal item" transforms into a "legal item" without somuch as an event area. personally, i have see bengalberry fans as far north as 9th street with this type of "illegal item". i'm left to wonder if your average drunk cincinnatian could uncork his mad dog at say, the dude energy center.

"no parking 4- 6p"/"no parking all other times"
this should be an easy one for the city of cincinnati to straighten out. on 9th street between race & elm there is a rush hour lane...not unusual, no parking 4- 6p is fairly common on the outbound portions of the street grid (7- 9a on the inbound portions). however, there is a second, more sinister sign which reads, "no parking all other times" posted here. i'm thinking you could just put up one sign which reads, "no parking" and eliminate some confusion.

"place stamp here/the post office will not deliver mail without postage"
i've always wondered, if the mail is for local delivery, couldn't i put the address i'm sending to as the return address, then some bogus address as the delivery address and skip the postage? i'm assuming the post office would get the item and enforce its policy, returning it to the return address with postage due. but, when they do that, they've fallen into my diabolical scheme because thats who i wanted to recieve the item in the first place. if this ruse works, then, in fact, the post office has delivered mail without postage.

"winery this exit"
when traveling from cincinnati to louisville on I71, there is a state of kentucky sign informing you that exit 34 will get you to a winery. this seems really screwed up to me, the majority of people that see the sign are DRIVING. most automobiles i observe on this highway (all highways) are occupied solely by the driver. but the matter is complicated by the fact the state of kentucky put the sign inplace while simultaneously imposing a law that a driver's blood alcohol content above .08 is dangerous and therefore illegal. should the state of kentucky be engaging in this duplicity?