Kubrick

Die Candy

366 days

It's over! Take down those goofy, cartoonish lights. Turn off that bad music and go back to work. Put away the stupid elf dolls...the silly season is done. Maybe next year, we'll all figure it out and skip the nonsense: it's just a dark time of year and no amount of lights, bad music, or shopping will change that.

Hey Santa, good riddance.

N Michigan/Water Tower

Cuz stayed downtown last weekend and shot this photo. Good job cuz!

Ohio Secretary of State

The Ohio Secretary of State is Jennifer Brunner. Her website features the statue of liberty, which is not located in Ohio. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

Anyway, this politician would prefer to keep her residential address confidential, while she simultaneously works for the state. A state that collects and distributes information WE would prefer to keep confidential.

In an effort to even the score a little, her personal residence is published here:

Jennifer Brunner
893 Cherryfield Ave.
Columbus, Ohio 43235

Whose up for a field trip?

It's also quite strange that in this picture of her, she somewhat, existentially, resembles the ham below. Weird.

Form 426-T

Ham
As a corollary to the physical (ownership) transfer of a ham, the IRS now requires the transferee to file a new form- Form 426-T(Ham Transfer). The transferrer must also file a new form- Form 1090-HAM.

Both parties must state their full names and addresses, social security numbers, weight of the ham, and the date/purpose of the ham transfer amongst other information. In addition, the following two forms may also be required:

1: Form 426-T(HAPPYHOLIDAYS) must be filed if a Holiday Ham is being transferred. This applies to year round frozen ham transfers for the purpose of thawing at the holidays. The "holidays" are known as the period when the transferrer and the transferee take time off from work in order to consume ham at a celebration of the following:
+Kwanzaa
+Non Kosher Hanukkah
+Christmas
+All other holidays for which a politically correct designation is warranted

Form 426-T(HAPPYHOLIDAYS) is MANDATORY for all hams with a transfer date in December.

2: Form 426-T(INTERSTATE) must be filed if the transferrer and the transferee move a ham over state lines. This condition is met when the transferrer has a permanent address in one state and the transferee has a permanent address in another state.

Some examples-
EX1: Transferrer resides in Ohio and transferee resides in Kenyucky. The ham transfer occurs on December 16th.
FORMS: Transferrer files Form 1090-HAM/Transferee files Form 426-T(INTERSTATE) AND Form 426-T(HAPPYHOLIDAYS)

EX2: Transferrer resides in Ohio and transferee resides in Ohio. The ham transfer occurs on October 30th but the ham is frozen and for the purpose of a Non Kosher Hanukkah celebration.
FORMS: Transferrer files Form 1090-HAM/Transferee files FORM 426-T(HAPPYHOLIDAYS)

EX3. Transferrer resides in Kenyucky and transferee resides in Kenyucky. The transfer occurs on July 12th, the ham is NOT frozen, and is for the purpose of a well loved Canadian family member's birthday, celebrated on July 19th. In addition the transferee is vegetarian.
FORMS: Transferrer files Form 1090-HAM/Transferee files FORM 426-T(Ham Transfer). There is no exemption for vegetarians that prepare hams for the consumption of others.

EX4. Transferrer resides in Kenyucky and transferee resides in Kenyucky. The transfer occurs on December 2, the ham is frozen, and is for the purpose of a "White People Aren't Cool Day" celebration, the day after Martin Luther King Jr. day in January.
FORMS: Transferrer files Form 1090-HAM/Transferee files Form 426-T(HAPPYHOLIDAYS) because the transfer occurred in December, even though the ham is not for the purpose of a holiday (as defined above) celebration.

The IRS has received many complaints regarding ham transfers made in December for the purpose of "White People Aren't Cool Day" celebrations. Although the mandatory Form 426-T(HAPPYHOLIDAYS) applies, the IRS may relax this requirement in the future. Currently, however, this form is required for such transfers running through the year 3300.

The IRS will assign values to the hams transferred and will respond to each ham transfer form filed with this value. This value is then carried to other IRS forms.

The IRS sincerely hopes taxpayers and ham transferrers enjoy their hams. When done properly, and within the framework of this guidance, everyone can enjoy ham, regardless of the occasion or time of year.

SWSK

Single White Serial Killer seeks S(Black)F, S(White)F, or S(Hispanic)F for meaningful relationship. SWSK enjoys long walks on the beach, snow skiing, puppies, basket weaving, and the occasional satanic sacrifice. Past relationships have gotten "gory" at times but are no indication of future results. So, take a chance on a slasher, it's going to last forever!

Safety Tips

If you’ve ever been passed on the wrong side, tailgated, cut off or hemmed in by another vehicle, you’ve been the victim of an aggressive driver. Drivers may be fined up to $200 for each moving violation associated with aggressive driving and could spend time in jail.

Avoid Becoming an Aggressive Driver
+Keep your emotions in check. Don’t take your frustrations out on other drivers.
+Plan ahead and allow enough time for delays.
+Focus on your own driving. Yelling, pounding on the steering wheel and honking your horn won't make traffic move any faster.
+Don't drive in the first place, move to pedestrian friendly neighborhoods and live close to work. If you're offered a job in some god forsaken suburb, turn it down.
+Sharpen your computer skills, so you can work remotely if possible.

How to Avoid Danger
1. Be a cautious, considerate driver. Avoid creating a situation that may provoke another motorist:

+Don’t tailgate or flash your lights at another driver.
+If you’re in the left lane and someone wants to pass, move over and let the driver pass you.
+Use your horn sparingly.

2. If you do encounter an angry driver, don’t make matters worse by triggering a confrontation:

+Avoid eye contact.
+Steer clear and give angry drivers plenty of room.
+Don’t make inappropriate hand or facial gestures.
+If you're concerned for your safety, call 9-1-1.

Last resort
If all of these Safety Tips fail, your only option is to become more aggressive than the aggressors:

+Honk as much as possible.
+"Ram" other automobiles when you see fit.
+Give "the finger" frequently.

This last resort option should not be used daily. But, it will let everyone else on the road know that, "you're the boss." If they are following the first and second options above, you'll have plenty of room, wide open lanes, and a smooth commute!

Brought to you by the (Insert your state here) Department of Transportation! Happy Highways everyone!

The Los Angeles Bengalberries

Los Angeles, California

In 1995, the NFL franchises known as the Raiders and the Rams both moved OUT of Los Angeles. Since then, the country's 2nd largest market has been without an NFL franchise.

At that time, other NFL teams (most notably the Cincinnati Bengalberries) used the vacant Los Angeles market, in combination with their monopolies, as leverage for various publicly subsidized goodies in their own markets. Unfortunately, the biggest sprawl monger to ever drive his SUV around the endless, automobile-centric CRAP in Hamilton County, Bob Bengalhaus- fell for it hook line and sinker.

Is it too late for us to send the Bengalberries to Los Angeles? A deal could work like this:

+Los Angeles assumes some (hopefully all) of the financial commitments made to the Bengalberries by Hamilton County and Bob Bengalhaus.
+Los Angeles also agrees to put the Bengalberries in some sort of stadium, out there, as far from Cincinnati as possible. Possibly the LA Coliseum could be repaired/used for the Bengalberries. Hamilton County would have nothing to do with wherever the Bengalberries are going to play "out there."
+Hamilton County, with a lowered financial commitment to these LOSERS*, uses these funds to create a world class mass transit system. A system that would move the local hillbillies and trailer trash around the area much more efficiently than their current,
"parking garage/gridlock/add lanes/REPEAT" system.
+Hamilton County also rids itself from the constant, embarrassing, "Drunk Bengalberry in Trouble" background noise that turns up in the paper year round.
+Paul Brown Stadium is renamed "The People's Stadium" and is used for events for the people.
+"Tail Gating" aka selective enforcement of open container laws, ceases. Sundays become safer year round, since concentrated drunkenness on the riverfront has also ceased.

This is an excellent plan. Let's urge our current commissioners to start the dialog with their counterparts in LA.

*They are LOSERS in every sense of the word because that's what they do: LOSE.

Shoe Confidential

The Scene: a HOT summer's day, July 2006, in a suburban strip mall: a table of "clearance" shoes. The shoes are piled high like some sort of podiatry land fill.

The Protagonist: your humble blogger, of course, shoe size: 13.

The Purchase: for $20, steel toed, size 13, waterproof winter boots (its 95degrees outside after all).

This will forever be known as the greatest shoe bargain ever found. Size 13s are rare and this "out of season" score belongs in the shoe shopping hall of fame.