More than Ponies

On a recent excursion through the miserable state of Kentucky, I noticed a sign, posted by said state, promoting the "Kentucky Bourbon Trail". My initial surprise that the sign was unrelated to ponies quickly turned to bewilderment when I contemplated the hypocrisy evident in the "Bourbon Trail" marketecture. On the one hand, Kentucky strictly forbids drinking and driving, on the other, the "Bourbon Trail" is little more than a bunch of hard liquor distilleries clustered along Interstate 64.

Furthermore, this ambiguity exists in the state that was the scene of the nation's worst drunk driving accident.

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Subsequently, I visited the bourbon trail website and discovered the following logo:



Check it out, it's a cartoonish rendering of a couple bourbon barrels rolling down a highway. What an image!

Continued exploration of the website revealed the following:



That's right, a spelling error! The webmaster is probably loaded on bourbon!

Be careful citizens, the webmaster hops in an automobile and drives home around 5p...

Safety Tips

If you’ve ever been passed on the wrong side, tailgated, cut off or hemmed in by another vehicle, you’ve been the victim of an aggressive driver. Drivers may be fined up to $200 for each moving violation associated with aggressive driving and could spend time in jail.

Avoid Becoming an Aggressive Driver
+Keep your emotions in check. Don’t take your frustrations out on other drivers.
+Plan ahead and allow enough time for delays.
+Focus on your own driving. Yelling, pounding on the steering wheel and honking your horn won't make traffic move any faster.
+Don't drive in the first place, move to pedestrian friendly neighborhoods and live close to work. If you're offered a job in some god forsaken suburb, turn it down.
+Sharpen your computer skills, so you can work remotely if possible.

How to Avoid Danger
1. Be a cautious, considerate driver. Avoid creating a situation that may provoke another motorist:

+Don’t tailgate or flash your lights at another driver.
+If you’re in the left lane and someone wants to pass, move over and let the driver pass you.
+Use your horn sparingly.

2. If you do encounter an angry driver, don’t make matters worse by triggering a confrontation:

+Avoid eye contact.
+Steer clear and give angry drivers plenty of room.
+Don’t make inappropriate hand or facial gestures.
+If you're concerned for your safety, call 9-1-1.

Last resort
If all of these Safety Tips fail, your only option is to become more aggressive than the aggressors:

+Honk as much as possible.
+"Ram" other automobiles when you see fit.
+Give "the finger" frequently.

This last resort option should not be used daily. But, it will let everyone else on the road know that, "you're the boss." If they are following the first and second options above, you'll have plenty of room, wide open lanes, and a smooth commute!

Brought to you by the (Insert your state here) Department of Transportation! Happy Highways everyone!