Back from the dead

Everyone knows they are a different person
Five years from now.

Who would have thought that I would return to that place,
That location, in five years?
Not only different, but better.

Much better.

Home Team Misery

Reds are killing me- what is their record for the months of Apr, May, Aug, and Sep? It's gotta be .600 ball, I swear. You throw in an AVERAGE, I MEAN AVERAGE, Jun and Jul and you got a contender.

But, they stunk so badly in Jun and Jul that they couldn't overcome it.

-Reds Fan Forever

Post It Rant

If you write on a post-it note, you should remove the sheet you write on. This is the design of the post-it note. It is FUNDAMENTAL. If you're keeping a journal, diary, etc, then get a notepad. I get highly annoyed [sic] when I want to use a nearby post-it note, only to find I must remove the top sheet, make my notes on the next sheet, remove that sheet, then replace the top sheet (aka the BULL sheet) so someone else returns to a post-it note stack which appears undisturbed.

So, next time, I'm throwing the top sheet in the shredder, and you'll be on your own to remember to restock on Tuck's Pads when you're at the supermarket.

Charisma

I am seeing you in a new light, the light of "cult leader". Hmm, what do you think?

I would join your emo based cult, drink your kool aid, or whatever it is you're going to make us all do.

What do you think of Stacy Kilgore? She seems vulnerable to me, exactly the type of person that could be influenced to join a cult.

Would we all wear moo moos and chant for 6 hrs a day? Who's cult is this? Yours or mine?

Now I want a cult and I guess I can't very well START a cult and belong to your cult. Sort of like a cult conflict of interest, I guess.

So, I'm reneging, I won't be joining your cult afterall. No hard feelings, it's just that I've got to do this thing. And, stay away from Stacy, she's mine.

ScatterBrain

Let's take a look at a common definition of the term "quantum entanglement."

Quantum entanglement, also called the quantum non-local connection, is a possible property of a quantum mechanical state of a system of two or more objects in which the quantum states of the constituting objects are linked together so that one object can no longer be adequately described without full mention of its counterpart—even if the individual objects are spatially separated in a spacelike manner. This interconnection leads to non-classical correlations between observable physical properties of remote systems, often referred to as nonlocal correlations.

HEAVY. Thanks Wikipedia, you're the best.

***
In more understandable terms, we think quantum engtanglement demonstrates the speed of information. Distance, as we understand it, is irrelevant to entangled particles. If you change the spin of the particle nearest you, it's remote, entangled particle also changes spin, instantly. It changes instantly whether it is in the next room, or across the universe, or in another universe, or in another dimension, or in another time period.

Here's more: the speed of light doesn't even come close to the speed of information, because light is a part of our *same old same old* 3D world and therefore it is beholden to d=rt. Quantum particles, on the other hand, come and go from this universe, this dimension, this time, as they please.

The brain is a quantum computer made up of myriad quantum particles. Scads of this myriad (eat your heart out cliff blog!) are entangled.

During the wake (online) periods, a critical mass of the brain's material interacts in a given universe, in a given dimension, and in a given time period. We call this consciousness.

Additionally, this single brain/quantum computer, is online (conscious) simultaneously with a multitude of other brains/quantum computers. And all online brains agree to local laws of physics perceptible by their senses. For instance, "there is a 40ton boulder located at X & Y and we all agree that you can't go through it." This collective, conscious group, constructs the physical world around us at any given instant.

Stay with me.

It's in the sleep periods that things get interesting. During sleep cycles, the brain can leave it's universe/dimension/time for other universes/dimensions/times it is entangled with. Those destinations, as Hugh Everett's "Many Worlds Theory" would have you believe, are all possible realities, including one where your first boss at the insurance company wears a "rat tail" and operates a UHaul rental location in the countryside, and you're renting a UHaul from him instead of working for him and while you're there a fight breaks out amongst his employees in this large field behind the place.

That "UHaul Universe" DOES exist, and is just as real for the individuals in it, as this blog is to the universe you're in right now (although many probably wish they could purge this blog from their universe). In any event, the "UHaul Universe" was an entangled voyage of the brain, a 1st person view through the senses of a conscious being existing there.

Furthermore, we have a name for these entangled voyages of the brain during sleep cycles:

dreams
Finally, certain dreams take place with universe and dimension held constant, but during a time in the future. After the dream, you reach this point in time as an online, conscious being, and you have the feeling, "I've been here before." We call this:

déjà vu

Disposable Duality

Something about joining FB ruined the appetite to write here. Don't know what it is, but check the date and time, almost down to the hour, and you will find the correlation.

By the time you read this, a promise will have been fulfilled: release this now, don't keep writing and sitting on what you write. Release it, NAKED.

So, enough of that. Something to chew on:

A disposable society must eventually deal with the duality of said disposable items- their harm, and their benefit.

Take, for instance, the ubiquitous nature of the grocery bag. These days, it's not unusual to find grocery people with their own bags. Their message? "I'm not going to take advantage of the disposable option at this place."

Not bad, cliff blog commends you.

However, these perpetual bags lack certain value(s), and in that you find yourself in the duality again.

Let's say the grillbilly fires it up, and keeps a disposable, Kroghetto bag nearby for the trash. The bag was reused, but wound up in the landfill anyway. Does perpetual bagman or perpetual bagwoman have this option?

Perpetual bagman and perpetual bagwoman have to bring the trash can close to the grill. Does that present a fire hazard?

A: Depends on circumstances.
That tangent aside, the fact is, that in order to use less, one has to work more. Do YOU think your countrymen are working more these days? It would appear that the perception of, "I'm affluent too" has spun out of control and, as a result, not many are willing to take on even the most ephemeral responsibility.

CODA
Goodbye July 2K9, it was nice living in your beautiful grace- BIG FAN.

Legalities

Yeah sure, it's a reprint.
And sometimes, I look over my shoulder too.
But if you, or anyone else has a problem with that,
You're going to need to contact my attorney.

My attorney just had a 1-800 number installed.
You punch in these numbers:

1-800-586-1980

...and my attorney picks up the phone.

My attorney is always borrowing from Latin.
I said, I've heard of "pro bono,"
My attorney says, "That's for other people."

Sometimes I think my attorney uses that 1-800 number to receive phone calls from various nationwide floozies. I'm not sure that is something I approve of.

I don't think my attorney seeks my approval, rendering that point moot. It's stated here anyway, just for the record. He states stuff for the record all the time, so why can't I?

I can't live without my attorney, and sometimes I wish someone would cross me, just so I can dial that 1-800 number and say,

"I got somebody I want you to mess up! I want you to transfer all of this joker's assets to me. I don't want to hear any Latin, I don't want to hear any 'ifs ands or buts'- just do it!"

Checkout

No one ever pays any attention to the light. Go ahead and turn your light off, it won't make any difference, because if there is a clerk scanning groceries, people are going to line up.

What does this tell you? It tells me you should keep that checkout lane open, and it tells you the same thing.

So, take your smoke break after the rush is over- or better yet, skip the smoke break and bring some carts in from the parking lot.

Kentucky Haiku

Sales taxes on booze?
Tobacco a way of life?
Kentucky- goodbye.

Chandelier Cloud

Pigeons are at it again

This is just despicable. This photo debunks the idea that bird droppings are random. For crying out loud! Look at that pigeon! It has intent and clearly knows what it's doing.

...and, as if that wasn't bad enough- children? C'mon!

I can no longer look the other way on the statue defecation, but I can look the other way when the Bengalberry stadium is concerned. A blog must stay consistent, afterall.

Somehow, this little boy must be avenged, Bengalberry fans excepted.

Tilt a Whirl

Rumor has it they are going to build a rotating tower in Dubai.


Nuts!

Feckless Gov

The inverse of "too big to fail" is "too small to succeed" which seems to be apropos given what the U.S. government has been up to recently.

This humble blogger suggests that what really needs to fail here is the biggest one of them all, the U.S. government itself. Maybe the "failure v. size" thesis needs some modification?

The self employed are "too small to succeed." Confiscate what they have.
AIG, BofA, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac are "too big to fail." Bail them out.
The U.S. government is "so big it should fail." Nah, start another program.

But seriously, the question must be asked, "who bails out the bailer outters?"

***
Consumer debt EQUALS GDP these days so remarks such as "credit is the lifeblood of the economy" are not entirely accurate. What follows, "we need to get the banks lending again" is also an over simplification. The system currently in place has lead to this malfeasance and it's time for it to stop.

When it does, one would assume gov's confiscations will also stop, and that everyone will get paid under the table. You know, like the drug dealers do.

The drug dealers seem to have built a pretty good distribution network, unencumbered by taxation, while we pay taxes to try and chase them down, to try and incarcerate them. I wonder if the drug dealers are "too big to fail?" I wonder if they will survive the collapse of gov?

Crank of America at $1.50/share? BUY!
DopeCo at $1.75/share? BUY!
Crackie Mac at $2.00/share? BUY!
Methie Mae at $2.25/share? BUY!

***
The operation that was "too small to succeed" will, in fact, flourish, for it is that operation that actually DOES something in this world. Going up and up the hierarchy, where you reach top elected officials, the Wall Street crowd, et al. results in a clueless class that operates solely in abstractions.

The clueless class benefits only if they can maintain the status quo. A status quo that, everywhere you look, seems more and more like a Madoff Ponzi scheme.

Ponzi scheme? I'll give you a Ponzi scheme, it's called Social Security. Social Security is the mother of all bailouts and is also where this is all heading. China will VETO that bailout, and the U.S. will fall.

Let's just get it over with...

Bride takes a swim

A friend of mine found this:

The Fountain of Nonsense

A post office is next door to a laundromat. Thats apparent from the exterior. Even a 2 yr old could look at the post office and make the appropriate synaptic connections required to determine that, indeed, a laundromat is nextdoor.

But, step into the post office and you forget that the laundromat is nextdoor. Maybe it has something to do with the fact, that as you approach the post office, the laundromat moves from your direct vision to your peripheral vision, then it moves completely out of your field of vision as you get to the line drawn by the 10ft radius from the door of the post office. And, really, that only applies if you come in perpendicular, like from the gas station.

So, you're inside the post office,

	and maybe you've been going to this post office for 10yrs
	and maybe you've always noticed that it smelled really nice in there.

***
When something is taken for granted, obliviousness, such as a life in the "land of plenty" or a "nice smell"...well, it really hurts to have the tables turned.

***
At what point do you change into your "stretchies" after work? This question does not apply to my "scrubs" friends.

Sometimes I find myself in work clothes several hours after the shift.

***
Donelda "lived vertical" and, at times this simple fact of her life made her feel like she was "losing her mind". For instance, there were countless occasions when she felt the need to go to a different floor of her home. However, upon arriving on the alternate floor, she immediately forgot why she had used the stairs in the first place.

Was she there to fetch paper clips, or a screw driver, or a screwdriver? Bewildered, she often found other, less immediate things to do on that floor- with the hope the original intention would resurface. If it didn't, she could find herself back on the floor where she started, only to undergo a "deja vu" by being back in that environment. This could eventually turn into a sisyphus style experience:

:LOOP
remember, stairs, forget, stairs
:goto LOOP

No need to make a comment like, "Hey Donelda, keep things such as paperclips, screw drivers, and screwdrivers on every floor!" She's already done that, genius.

Furthermore, she doesn't use "goto" when she programs either. It's only a hypothetical to describe the sisyphus thing, dig?

***
Scrubs, by the way, are a compromise between employees and management. Employees, outside of those that actually provide healthcare, like the generous fit (fer crying out loud, they're like wearing pajamas!) and employers, at one time, had to keep them happy.

***
In the end, it's really critical to write something, anything. Those that cannot write, cannot live [completely].


***
WARNING: This fountain never goes off.

Surf Phone

...a road weary traveler arrived at his destination. The usual arrival procedures ensued: unloading the vessel and "moving in" so to speak. Part of these procedures included dealing with personal effects: keys to a house thats 300mi away, some cash bundled with some credit cards, a drivers license, and that ambiguous device of modern life- a mobile phone.

"I'll just put this phone right here on this available, horizontal surface. After all, this esteemed host of mine has cluttered up his place with all kinds of trash (literally, other people's trash) that he finds on garbage night.

"But, even if he found whatever this hoogie stand is in the trash/garbage, it will still make a nice spot for my phone...

"It's almost like this spot was designated for my phone, what with the power outlet so nearby...and I like those little pebbles at the bottom of my adopted "phone stand". Golly!

"Now, back to the vessel."

***

Another ritual to the arrival process in this place was also underway: the customary ordering of a stuffed crust pie ("excellent" spoken Montgomery Burns' style). As a man crawling through the desert craves water, so too does a man driving through the void crave stuffed crust pie.

Well, what do you know? The host himself has arrived only moments prior to the pie delivery. Everything is set- turn on that television, hey is that channel with "the cat" still on the air? That always cracked me up.

***

Satiated from stuffed crust consumption, couch potatodom combined with TV viewing (the new American way) begins in earnest. There must be a game on one of these crazy cable channels, right?

***

around 2hrs pass

*gurgle, gurgle, gurgle*

Sheesh! That sounds like my mobile phone, but somehow not. It's as if someone submerged my mobile phone in the toilet.

Wait a minute! That's not a phone stand, it's one of those cheap fountains they make in China and sell to Americans to perpetuate their idea that they're affluent (I have one myself- different model).

But, it was void like the...
dry like the...
desert like the...
void when I got here! What could have created this sudden oasis?

Hold it- this buffoon has put his fountain on a timer and ruined my phone in the process.

Who puts his fountain on a timer in the first place? What kind of bizarre freakshow puts his fountain on a timer?

Although this fountain was on a timer, it would seem the metaphorical, fountain of stupidity never goes off...

Man of the Year

Chesley B. Sullenberger III

Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
Well, maybe land like a plane with Canadian Geese in it's engines, anyway...
for you are the water beneath my wings.