Friday, November 7, 2008

Freeassociated Gush


So, this guy sits down to make a blog entry. This guy really wants to make a blog entry but has nothing to write about. So he writes about being unable to write anything.

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Man, it is just so hard to think of something to put in this blog entry. I really wanna make a blog entry right now, but can't think of anything to write about.

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I rolled down to Camp Washington and bought 4 coneys with everything. I gave Rebecca $6.00 and about 10 minutes later, she produced the 4 horsemen, er, coneys. Anyway, Rebecca didn't charge me sales tax, which I thought was pretty cool.

I eat my coneys with a fork.

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NO, No, nO, no! People don't want to read about some banal trip to pick up coneys. How is that blogworthy?

It's not, and face it- your blog has bigger problems. All you ever do is rant and rave about some minutiae or get worked up about the local football team. People don't want to read that stuff. People want to be happy and your stuff is either unhappy, unnecessary, or below standards.

Honestly, a blank webpage is preferable to the stuff thats getting posted. Or no webpage at all- even though people can't visit "no webpage at all". At least, though, you won't be pestering them with the "are you reading my blog?" question all the time. It annoys people and when you ask it, you're putting them in the position of having to say something mildly unpleasant.

"No, I'm not reading your blog.
I have no interest in what you write."

So don't even confront them with the question, it's making you unpopular.

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People don't even get it, the majority of them don't know you ever even post anything, because they view blogs as plain old HTML instead of subscribing via feed reader, thereby missing the point entirely. In their world, web browsing is done proactively.

Is that it? Because you understand the feed as an application of XML, you feel superior to them? You can go around belittling these computer illiterates and as a result feel like a tough guy?

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Hey if they don't like the blog entries, thats fine. Go ahead and put what you want up there. It's yours after all: SINGULARITY.

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Those coneys were a bad decision, Rebecca. I know it's your job to sell coneys, but do you ever see someone roll in asking for coneys, and think to yourself, "this guy should not be eating coneys right now."

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I loathe the phone more and more. People used to send letters via the pony express, or sometimes a dude would put a message in a bottle and throw the bottle into a body of water. It floated along for a little while and some other dude would find it halfway across the world when it washed ashore.

I remember the time I put a self addressed stamped envelope in a ziploc bag and tied it to a helium balloon. All the kids at school did it as part of a project. Well, my balloon landed in Knoxville, TN and some joker there sent me a letter back in my SASE.

So, communicating in print, thats just the way it was done. Then this Alexander Graham Bell guy shows up. He's managed to figure out how to transmit the human voice over a wire. Little did anyone know what an annoying little invention/discovery that would turn out to be.

Phones proliferated for a pretty good little while and then the DOD cooks up this computer network protocol and as a subset of it they create SMTP for e-mail messages.

Now, print is back and better than ever- for those that are literate anyway. Others cling to legacy voice and I've got to stay backwards compatible with them. Of course, the alternative is not to answer the phone, to insist on print communication. In effect, giving an ultimatum: communicate with me in print or not at all.

That type of thing gets the illiterates in a bad mood.

Stay in school.

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Once upon a time, there was a lady that lived on a farm set back from a winding, country road. She was a Mexican and her name was "El Ball de Butter". THE END.

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