Blagojevich Resignation Speech

Rod Blagojevich and his hair

The Cliff Blog has obtained a draft of the upcoming "Hot" Rod Blagojevich resignation speech. It is reprinted here as a perk to Cliff Blog readers:

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"Greetings everyone. Greetings to the citizens of Illinois, the United States, and the world. "Season's Greetings" to the citizens of Illinois, the United States, and the world.

"I'm sure you are aware that this administration faces tough allegations. Allegations which will eventually be proven false. However, the allegations have affected this administration's ability to govern, and I, Rod Blagojevich, am hereby resigning my position as Governor of the State of Illinois.

"I would like to take this opportunity to offer some additional information in the form of three points.

"Firstly, during my term as Governor of Illinois, I have found it ironic how such a screwed up and corrupted state, could build such a fantastic city, namely Chicago. How, over the decades of scandal, did we manage to create such an intricate place of architecture blended with those crazy stuffed crust pizza pies? It really defies imagination.

"Secondly, for all those haters: this morning, I issued the Illinois Governor's executive order number 312-708-773-847 which officially abolishes the Chicago Cubs. Local fans seem OK, however, there are legions of "wannabes" throughout the country that, frankly are getting on everyone's nerves. My recommendation to those fans which are NOT annoying, is to start following the Cincinnati Reds. I mean, with Joey Votto, Brandon Phillips, Jay Bruce, Edinson Volquez, Johnny Cueto, etc...what's not to like? They're a really cool team and every so often they win the World Series!

"GO REDS!

"In any event, a demolition crew will begin work at 1060 W Addison in early 2009. By opening day, the ballpark will no longer exist. Neither will the team. By 2010, we will have built "The Shoppes of Wrigley Towne Centre" at the site. You're going to want to bring your SUV to this development, for all the crap you're gonna buy!

"Finally, the hair is real, and it is FABULOUS!

"Thank you, and good night!"