Sunday, May 20, 2007

buffet strategy

when visiting a food buffet a little strategy can help you get the most for your money. here is a strategy i have successfully used at the kingsgate conference center:

+ALWAYS use the first plate for a leafy green salad. when creating the plate, avoid any pastas that may be in the salad bar. just leafy greens with things like cucumbers, mushrooms, tomatoes, etc. salad dressing and cheese ARE allowed.
+on the second plate, head for the entrees, but avoid the potatoes, the pastas, and the breads. the idea is to experience as many flavors as the buffet has to offer without taking on the carbs.
+the third plate is the big one...pick your favorites from the second plate, or try things you didn't get to yet. go nutz! and eat the potatoes, the pastas, and the breads. it's carb time!
+after the third plate, order a cup of black coffee and relax for 15 minutes.
+return to the dessert buffet and go nutz!

this strategy has served me well during my trips to kingsgate's buffet. they charge $12 so i'm inclined to make the trip count. as a bonus, working out about an hour before the trip also aids the consumption.

try this strategy and post a comment if it works for you!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

biotechnology

how would an organization, such as the RIAA, monitor my thoughts? clearly, the RIAA, the US Government, and others, desire this type of surveillance and their keys to achieving it are the disciplines of biotechnology and nanotechnology. but, these organizations know they cannot implant tracking devices or brain wave monitoring equipment via public campaign. they know employing biotech to track citizens must be done surreptitiously and covertly.

enter the gastroenterologist. or, alternately, the gastroenterologist will enter you.

***

according to cancer.org, a gastroenterologist is:

"a doctor who specializes in diseases of the digestive (gastrointestinal) tract"

extending cancer.org's definition: in pursuit of curing these diseases, a gastroenterologist performs varying medical procedures, depending on the pathology detected. specifically, two of these procedures are used in screening the colon-

+flexible sigmoidoscopy &
+colonoscopy

the screening involves a camera inserted into the patient's rectum by the gastroenterologist.

***

could you possibly have a polyp? should you get screened via one of these procedures? creating this fear is the first step in the government's biotech surveillance plan.

in fact, gastroenterologists are government operatives of the CIA. the government and other agencies seek to hook you with this fear of disease. they then use gastroenterologists as the vehicle for implanting a nano-tracking device in your colon. and, so you're never aware of what they're actually doing, they put you on drugs like demerol, causing you to become disoriented and to forget the entire procedure. to reinforce their original story, they produce reports from a computer detailing your colon. then, they encourage you to bring in others, friends & loved ones, for screening too. they will not rest until everyone has the "screening" and there are stories of them resorting to abduction of those who do not participate willingly. after all, when you shoot em up with demerol, they're not going to remember the abduction either...

now, with the nano-tracker operating from your colon and unbeknownst to you they will monitor your location. since the nano-tracker also monitors your brainwaves, they can essentially "read your mind" and control you too.

gastroenterologists enable mind control for the US Government. they are now the THOUGHT POLICE... anything they desire is possible. for instance, the IRS will know EXACTLY how much to confiscate from you and you better not fudge a dime on your return...

***

spotting a resistor is relatively easy, they're usually the ones willing to bend or even break rules. conversely, those members of the public that the gastroenterologists have already gotten to usually exhibit behaviors such as stopping at yellow lights, walking in straight lines, and refusing to "loosen up". when you look into their eyes, it's like nobody's home and they NEVER tell jokes or goof around.

abandon them, they're not worth the trouble...but save yourself and purchase a combination lock for your rectum. DO NOT share the combination with anyone, you wouldn't want it known to someone already compromised.

scrutinize your gastroenterologist carefully before sharing your combination and going in for a screening. heed this warning, it is your only hope.

thought police

a friend received a troubling e-mail from the RIAA today. the friend has gone into hiding. the e-mail was provided to me, and simply reading it probably puts me on the RIAA's "enemies list". if you're concerned about being put on their list, stop here.

i want to assure my devoted fans that i intend to fight this kind of nonsense. although it didn't happen directly to me, I AM A FREE THINKER, which scares the RIAA. but, if no one hears from me over the next week or so, theres a possibility i have been abducted by their jack booted thugs, simply for reading this material, forwarded to me. this blog is intended to publicize their threats in the event i am abducted.

we WILL THINK FOR OURSELVES, FIGHT THE POWER!

now, here is the e-mail, in full, with headers:

Return-Path: [mbainwol@riaa.com]
X-Original-To: [address withheld]
Delivered-To: [address withheld]
Received: from cliftonite.moderncs.net (localhost [127.0.0.1])
by cliftonite.moderncs.net (Postfix) with ESMTP id 370F91981E
for [address withheld]; Tue, 15 May 2007 17:20:39 -0400 (EDT)
Received: by cliftonite.moderncs.net (Postfix, from userid 65534)
id 1EC9D28858; Tue, 15 May 2007 17:20:39 -0400 (EDT)
Received: from mail.riaa.com (cliftonite.moderncs.net [192.168.20.20])
by cliftonite.moderncs.net (Postfix) with SMTP id 975AB1981E
for [address withheld]; Tue, 15 May 2007 17:05:19 -0400 (EDT)
From: mbainwol@riaa.com ["Mitch Bainwol, Chairman/RIAA"]
To: Name Withheld [address withheld]
Subject: RIAA royalties
Message-Id: <20070515210519.975ab1981e@cliftonite.moderncs.net>
Date: Tue, 15 May 2007 17:05:19 -0400 (EDT)
X-Spam-Checker-Version: SpamAssassin 3.0.2 (2004-11-16) on
cliftonite.moderncs.net
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Mr. [withheld]:

The Recording Industry Association of America is the trade group that represents the U.S. recording industry. Its mission is to foster a business and legal climate that supports and promotes our members' creative and financial viability.

To this end, we use several methods. One of our methods is deterrence of those who trade music files they have not paid for. However, recently, we have also engaged in deterrence of those who get bad songs stuck in their heads. It is our opinion, that when a bad song is stuck in your head, you're still listening to it, and therefore royalties are due.

It has come to our attention you have recently had the following bad songs stuck in your head in 2007:

B52s- "Love Shack"/05.10.2007/walking on McMillan Ave
Pink Floyd- "Money"/04.28.2007/Kroger Spring Grove grocery trip
Enrique Iglesias- "Hero"/04.18.2007/Plane flight to New York City
Milli Vanilli- "Girl You Know It's True"/04.04.2007/Metro Bus ride for downtown errands
Offspring- "Low Self Esteem"/03.24.07/On the road to Louisville with Cuz
R.E.M.- "Everybody Hurts"/03.05.07/Network gig
Tears For Fears- "Sowing the Seeds of Love"/02.21.07/couchbound waiting for UK basketball to come on
Neil Diamond- "Coming to America"/02.01.07/shower
Michael Jackson- "Black or White"/01.15.07/cleaning upstairs toilet

These are samples and do not constitute the complete list. The complete list will be forwarded to you by our attorneys as we begin the financial, punitive damage phase of our lawsuit.

As you are aware, all music, even BAD MUSIC, is protected by the RIAA. Bad music stuck in your head is considered "stolen" in the eyes of the RIAA. It is in this context that we file this civil suit against you. In no way does the RIAA claim responsibility for producing bad music.

Thank you for your attention to this matter...our attorneys will be in touch with you.

Mitch Bainwol
Chairman/CEO Recording Industry Association of America
511 Lexington Ave
Suite 7700
New York, NY 10017

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

summer meteorology

this week, for the first time in 2007, we have witnessed the summer weather pattern. amazingly, i had a better idea of how the weather would play out than the brainiac's with the dopplers employed by the local news channels. seriously, check it out:

derek beasley (sp?) of channel 5 started telling me on monday that rain would come tuesday PM. but, i've lived through a couple summers to this point and viewed enough of derek and his cohorts' misinformation to know better.

you see, derek is an automaton and storms make a great tease. during the summer weather pattern, he looks at his dopplers, frontal boundaries, and humidity levels and he knows rain will develop. but consider his industry- info/tainment. derek's real job is ratings and the pathetic truth is: no TV meteorologist wants to UNDERESTIMATE a storm. furthermore, if he OVERESTIMATES he can then tease, tease, tease.

"storms will move through the area later and could produce lightening, hail, and flash flooding. more on that, after these messsages."

it's the alarmist nature of TV news- plain and simple.

so, here's how to interpret what derek and his infobabes are telling you at noon, 5, 530, 6 & 11.

when derek says, RAIN! STORMS! HIGH WINDS! and HAIL! for tuesday PM but there is not a bow echo on radar, then add 24hrs before expected weather. in the example, derek is really saying wednesday PM.

this logic is trumped by the strong fronts- if you see a bow echo on radar coming from the northwest- take cover.

but, 90% of the time, that bow echo just isn't there. 90% of the time the humidity builds first and the high pressure area is not strong enough to push through as a bow echo. so, everyday derek comes on predicting RAIN! STORMS! HIGH WINDS! and HAIL! but no bow echo is present- add another 24hrs. in the example from above, we tune in again wednesday and find high humidities sans a bow echo- now weather is thursday PM. this loop can repeat for a week.

it is extremely rare for the high pressure center to develop over your particular area.

until that sweet canadian air can gather and come on through, it's a soupy heatwave and the derek beasley's from info/tainment-land should stick their dopplers where the sun don't shine- assuming they can figure out where that is.

whether or not they can find that place, they should quit misleading us in the name of selling replacement windows, SUVs, more SUVs, still more SUVs, and carpeting.

finally, the model works in reverse too. derek may say something to the effect of, "after this front moves through we will cool off for X days." usually he will give a 7day outlook showing the cooler period. always subtract 24hrs from the cooler period. so, if derek shows you 3 cool days- you're actually only going to get 2 before the return of the humidity.

apply this method to the summer of 2007 for a more accurate forecast.