drunk bengalberries in space

[the chris henry crib- a phone rings]

henry: yo
thurman: duh, i'm off the team.
henry: it's cool bro, this bengalberry has a plan.
thurman: duh, plan?
henry: we gonna apply to NASA! they party all the time at NASA!
thurman: der, yeah! i'll come pick you up!
henry: bring the 40s.

[click]

blogger's note: in an effort to keep this blog rated G, certain flamboyant language was omitted from this *not so* fictitious conversation.

i am ralph ludwig

[a computer terminal]

screen________________________________________________________________
thank you for your order...

billing information-
FirstName LastName
Address1
Address2
City ST ZIP

Credit card type
Credit card number
Credit card expiration

X Click here to agree to some legal mumbo jumbo
screen________________________________________________________________

user (head): i'd rather not do this. i don't want to lose my identity.
user (heart): but we need this item. it will improve our quality of life.

the new pledge of allegiance

i pledge allegiance to the petroleum that enables my sedentary lifestyle, and to the republic which stands addicted, one fat, lazy nation of strip malls, oblivious, with conspicuous consumption for all.