Generica the Hideous

O hideous flourescent signs,
For "add another lane",
For architectural tragedies
Across the strip mall plain!

Generica! Generica!
God turns His face from thee,
And crowns thy bad with waste, called gas
From cheese to Mickey D's!

Shame of the Nation

Time for a list-

"Largest Per Capita Carbon Footprint" according to a study by the Brookings Institute:

1. Lexington-Fayette County.
2. Indianapolis.
3. Cincinnati-Middletown (Ohio, Kentucky, Indiana).
4. Toledo.
5. Louisville (Kentucky-Indiana).
6. Nashville-Davidson-Murfreesboro, Tenn.
7. St. Louis.
8. Oklahoma City.
9. Harrisburg-Carlisle, Pa.
10. Knoxville, Tenn.

Many of the variables leading to any given area's ranking are beyond it's control. However, other variables are clearly under the area's control- primarily, automobile emissions.

4 of the top 5 areas are within a 100mi radius, centered on Cincinnati.

This is appalling and shameful. Us MORONS must be the laughing stock of the country today...and Al Qaeda has probably put us on their MVP list. I can hear UBL now, "Burn that petro, Ohio Valley! Hang yourself in that heavy metal stew!"

The Cliff Blog sincerely apologizes to the rest of the United States for our screwed up way of life here. We are truly pathetic.

Take Me Out to the Ghetto...

Take me out to the Ghetto...
Take me out to the slums.

Buy me some rounds and a bag of crack,
I don't think I'll be making it back!

For it's shoot, shoot, shoot at the gangstas,
Cause they hunt me like game!

And it's one, two, three shots you're dead,
In Crackton, USA!

A Reds Fan Gets Miffed

The nonsense relative to personnel that is going on in the Reds outfield this Spring has culminated this evening with the Jay Bruce start. Jay Bruce, called up from AAA Louisville yesterday, may be a fantastic player. But, does that mean he starts in centerfield for the Major League club? Over Ryan Freel?

Seems like when Ryan Freel is in the lineup, he makes something good happen with his hustle. His onbase percentage the past three seasons is .371, .363, & .308. So, bumping him for the rookie is bad enough.

But, the shenanigans don't stop there! The manager, Dusty Baker, SERIOUSLY upset the apple cart when he brought his Chicago retreads to town. Hairston and Bako haven't been that bad on the field, Patterson has been despicable. All three retreads have taken playing time from deserving guys that have paid their dues in the Reds' organization, like Norris Hopper, Javier Valentin, and (again) Ryan Freel.

Bumping guys who deserve to play? What has that done to morale? Destroyed it, thats what.

Finally, the bookends- Adam DUM and Griffey Jr. In Junior's case, he has given a legitimate effort and has been the victim of some bad luck. But, with this glut of outfielders, did signing Adam DUM on for a $13 million season make any sense?

The answer: NO. As a matter of fact, none of this makes any sense and the Reds will not be winning many games because of it. What a trainwreck!

Rain

Alot of rain this spring...

periosadist

periosadist \'per-ē-ō-sād,sad-əst\ n, pl -s (2008) 1 : a person who obtains advanced credentialing in the field of periodontology in order to inflict great physical pain on others for gratification

usage:

"That periosadist took all my money, hacked my gums to bits, and now I can't chew my food!"

"Ever since that periosadist got through with me, I have to take my meals through a straw!"

The Bengalberries are up to something

This photo, shot earlier today, clearly shows the beginning of some sort of project in the Bengalberry practice area.

We have already built the Bengalberries a natural turf practice field, as well as a synthetic one. These different surfaces are supposed to help the Bengalberries prepare for any given week's opponent. Theoretically, if they're going on the road to play on a natural turf field, then they would practice on their natural turf practice field. We were sold this logic along with the Bengalberry stadium itself, under the guise that it would make the Bengalberries more competitive.

They also have their main field, inside the Bengalberry stadium. So, that's THREE total "gridirons" we have built for the Bengalberries. Could the construction in the photo be a FOURTH? Probably not, but with the County/Bengalberry lovefest in place, anything is possible.

Or, could it be some sort of Bengalberry detention center? For instance, if the police find a drunk Bengalberry up to his usual shenanigans, maybe he would be incarcerated here in this future facility? A shelter for wayward Bengalberries? Where they are rehabbed and then released back into the wild?

Or, could it be some sort of mansion for Bob Bengalhaus? Bob doesn't like his commute, the gasoline is killing him, so he'll just live in this detached palace and work in the main palace.

Or, maybe it's some sort of Bengalberry food court?

Or, could it be a Bengalberry brewery? This is the odds on favorite...neither the Miller nor the Budweiser breweries can reach the production/delivery levels required to keep up with the consumption of the Bengalberries. Therefore, if we establish a Bengalberry Microbrewery on the premises, we eliminate a large part of the logistical nightmare of getting the Bengalberries their beer.


At the Microbrewery Bengalberries can choose from:
+Big Bad Bengalberry Ale
+Bengalberry Booty Light
+Bengalberry Brown Clown
+RasBengalberry Tootie Frootie Genuine Draft
+and the best seller, Bengalberry Malt Liquor (Chris Henry testimonial, "Works everytime- throws up smooth...")