Apparel Problem

Imbecile

What is wrong with this individual? Many amongst us resent someone with these sort of natural good looks, but that's not his biggest problem. His biggest problem is that he wears the logos of two teams in conjunction, a critical error in judgement.

Time and time again, this fashion faux pas rears it's ugly head. Who are these imbeciles, who, when planning their ensemble for a public outing, choose to wear two logos? Do their mothers lay these outfits out on their beds for them? It's just sick and wrong.

Read one (of many) of the Cliff Blog's fashion laws, here and now:

+NEVER, under any circumstances, do you wear two logos at once.
+There is no exception for "God's teams," the Cincinnati Reds, and UK (basketball) Wildcats!
+All other logos are included. For instance, a NASCAR ball cap with a San Diego Chargers TShirt is just as unacceptable.
+Sneaker logos should match any other athletic clothing logos. Adidas sneakers are acceptable with an Adidas cap. Adidas sneakers are not acceptable with a Nike cap.
+Sneaker logos are pervasive. Any sneaker logo is acceptable with any other, single, non athletic logo. For instance, Adidas sneakers are acceptable with a Cincinnati Reds cap.
+Multiple logos can be displayed if they are for the same team. For instance, a Cincinnati Reds TShirt is acceptable with a Cincinnati Reds cap.
+Any Bengalberry logo is unacceptable, inexcusable, and downright preposterous. You're basically saying, "Look at me, I have no ability to reason. I support millionaire thugs and their babysitters."

Unfortunately, there is an enforcement issue involved here. The Cliff Blog lacks the authority to correct this moronic behavior. So, you will be on your own to "self regulate" (kinda like Wall St). But, know this: should you fail and violate this fundamental fashion law, others will sneer, chuckle, and possibly prejudge you (correctly) as a clown of the highest degree.

Wildlife, the U.S. Mint, and trivia during the Silly Season

Intro- during the trip south for the silly season, some minutiae occurred...

Rolling down 75S in a torrential down pour on twelve twenty four can be hazardous to your health. But twelve twenty four is what it is, and after arriving safe and sound, which was even money at the outset of the ride, the annual ceremonies commenced in sequence. Amidst all that fal-duh-ral, various ephemeral cash transactions were made. You know the types of goods and services, everyday stuff at the Speedway or Taco Tico or Marika's on Southland (no website! tsk tsk).

Ah, livin was easy. Something tells me that, in the future, maybe the near future, I will look back on weekends of Speedway, Taco Tico, and Marika's with a fondness for something lost. But, that is a separate issue altogether.

This blog entry will not address that issue, this entry has to do with some obscurity involving said ephemeral cash transactions. More specifically, the state quarters received as change during a Taco Tico feedbag pickup (3 hard tacos/volcano sauce, 2 combo burritos/hot sauce).

Have a look at these state quarters:

Change Given

On the left, a quarter representing South Dakota. On the right, a quarter representing Oklahoma. Fine enough, but what else is going on here? Is that the same bird? Does this bird appear on any other state quarters? Is this bird tasty?

More questions than answers for the time being. The various relatives and friends that appeared, disappeared, reappeared and finally disappeared (into my rear view mirror) had no answers to these questions and moreover, seemed largely underwhelmed by the observation itself.

Fine enough.

Returning home to a subsequent visit from an esteemed colleague lead to all sorts of information. The esteemed colleague spoke with authority on the matter of the two birdies:

+Although similar, the two are NOT identical.
+South Dakota's quarter depicts the red ringtail pheasant.
+Oklahoma's quarter depicts the longtail pheasant.
+The longtail is distinguished from the red ringtail by it's pointed wings.
+Whether or not either appears on a third state quarter is unknown. Conventional wisdom says- probably not.
+Neither birdie is all that tasty.

For those curious about the world, take this information with you and always examine your change closely- not just for pheasants, but to make sure it adds up to what you were expecting.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year
With the kids jingle belling
And everyone telling you "Be of good cheer"
It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year
It's the hap- happiest season of all
With those holiday greetings and gay happy meetings
When friends come to call
It's the hap- happiest season of all

Er- what about all the darkness?

There'll be parties for hosting
Marshmallows for toasting
And caroling out in the snow
There'll be scary ghost stories
And tales of the glories of
Christmases long, long ago

Er- I'm cold.

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year
There'll be much mistltoeing
And hearts will be glowing
When loved ones are near
It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

Holy Smox! Look at the Dude Energy bill for last month!

There'll be parties for hosting
Marshmallows for toasting
And caroling out in the snow
There'll be scary ghost stories
And tales of the glories of
Christmases long, long ago

Er- what about all the obligations? What about the ridiculous notion that I must spend on material items in order to save face?

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year
There'll be much mistltoeing
And hearts will be glowing
When loved ones are near
It's The Most Wonderful Time
It's The Most Wonderful Time
It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

Er- I'm not sure I see it that way. I mean, spring is really nice, and I like baseball season alot.

You're a "Scrooge!"

Oh no! My Christmasphobia is acting up!

Twilight

Civil Twilight
Civil twilight is defined when the sun is 6 degrees below the horizon. This is the limit at which twilight illumination is sufficient, under good weather conditions, for terrestrial objects to be clearly distinguished; at the beginning of morning civil twilight, or end of evening civil twilight, the horizon is clearly defined and the brightest stars are visible under good atmospheric conditions in the absence of moonlight or other illumination. In the morning before the beginning of civil twilight and in the evening after the end of civil twilight, artificial illumination is normally required to carry on ordinary outdoor activities.

Nautical Twilight
Nautical twilight is defined when the sun is 12 degrees below the horizon. At the beginning or end of nautical twilight, under good atmospheric conditions and in the absence of other illumination, general outlines of ground objects may be distinguishable, but detailed outdoor operations are not possible, and the horizon is indistinct.

Astronomical Twilight
Astronomical twilight is defined when the sun is 18 degrees below the horizon. Before the beginning of astronomical twilight in the morning and after the end of astronomical twilight in the evening the sun does not contribute to sky illumination; for a considerable interval after the beginning of morning twilight and before the end of evening twilight, sky illumination is so faint that it is practically imperceptible.

Change You Won't Believe

by james howard kunstler

The peak oil story has not been nullified by the scramble to unload every asset for cash -- including whomping gobs of oil contracts -- during this desperate season of bank liquidation. The main implication of the peak oil story is that we won't be able to generate the kind of economic growth that defined our way of life for decades because the primary energy resources needed for it will be contracting.
Just as global oil production peaked, our economy evolved into a morbid hypertrophy, and the chief manifestation of it was the suburban sprawl-building fiesta that has now climaxed in the real estate bust. By the early 21st century, when so much American manufacturing had been swapped out to Asia, there was no business left except sprawl-building -- a manifold tragedy which wrecked the banks that financed it, and left the ordinary people mortgaged to it with ruinous liabilities.
That economy is now in its death throes. The "normality" it represents to so many Americans is gone and can't be brought back, no matter how wistfully we watch it recede. Even so, it was obviously not good for the country. The terrain of North America has been left scarred by unlovable objects and baleful futureless vistas that, from now on, will shed whatever pecuniary value they once had. It represents the physical counterpart to the financial mess that has been left to the young generations to clean up -- and the job will take a very long time.
We have to, so to speak, get to place mentally where we can face the kinds of change that are now necessary and unavoidable. We're not there yet. It's not clear whether the elected new national leadership knows just how severe the required changes will really be. Surely the public would be shocked to grasp what's in store. Probably the worst thing we can do now would be to mount a campaign to stay where we are, lost in raptures of happy motoring and blue-light-special shopping.
The economy we're evolving into will be un-global, necessarily local and regional, and austere. It won't support even our current population. This being the case, the political fallout is also liable to be severe. For one thing, we'll have to put aside our sentimental fantasies about immigration. This is almost impossible to imagine, since that narrative is especially potent among the Democratic Party members who are coming in to run things. A tough immigration policy is exactly the kind of difficult change we have to face. This is no longer the 19th century. The narrative has to change.
The new narrative has to be about a managed contraction -- and by "managed" I mean a way that does not produce civil violence, starvation, and public health disasters. One of the telltale signs to look for will be whether the Obama administration bandies around the word "growth." If you hear them use it, it will indicate that they don't understand the kind of change we face.
It is hugely ironic that the US automobile industry is collapsing at this very moment, and the ongoing debate about whether to "rescue" it or not is an obvious kabuki theater exercise because this industry is hopeless. It is headed into bankruptcy with one hundred percent certainty. The only thing in question is whether the news of its death will spoil the Christmas of those who draw a paycheck from it, or those whose hopes for an easy retirement are vested in it. But American political-economy being very Santa Claus oriented for recent generations, the gesture will be made. A single leaky little lifeboat will be lowered and the chiefs of the Big Three will be invited to go for a brief little row, and then they will sink, glug, glug, glug, while the rusty old Titanic of the car industry slides diagonally into the deep behind them, against a sickening greenish-orange sunset backdrop of the morbid economy.
A key concept of the economy to come is that size matters -- everything organized at the giant scale will suffer dysfunction and failure. Giant companies, giant governments, giant institutions will all get into trouble. This, unfortunately, doesn't bode so well for the Obama team and it is salient reason why they must not mount a campaign to keep things the way they are and support enterprises that have to be let go, including many of the government's own operations. The best thing Mr. Obama can do is act as a wise counselor companion-in-chief to a people who now have to leave a lot behind in order to move forward into a plausible future. He seems well-suited to this task in sensibility and intelligence. The task will surely include a degree of pretense that he is holding some familiar things together and propping up some touchstones of the comfortable life. But the truth is we are all going to the same unfamiliar new territory.
The economy we're moving into will have to be one of real work, producing real things of value, at a scale consistent with energy resource reality. I'm convinced that farming will come much closer to the center of economic life, as the death of petro-agribusiness makes food production a matter of life and death in America -- as opposed to the disaster of metabolic entertainment it is now. Reorganizing the landscape itself for this finer-scaled new type of farming is a task fraught with political peril (land ownership questions being historically one of the main reasons that societies fall into revolution). The public is completely unprepared for this kind of change. We still think that "the path to success" is based on getting a college degree certifying people for a lifetime of sitting in an office cubicle. This is so far from the approaching reality that it will be eventually viewed as a sick joke -- like those old 1912 lithographs of mega-cities with Zeppelins plying the air between Everest-size skyscrapers.
The crucial element in the transformation underway will be emotion. The American experience for a few generations has produced an adult population with very childish instincts, increasingly worse each decade. For instance, the desperate power fantasies among the younger tattooed lumpenproles -- those with next-to-zero real economic power -- suggest a certain unappetizing playing-out of resource competition when the supply of Cheez Doodles and Pepsi starts to dwindle. But even the heretofore gainfully employed middle classes are pretty lost in fantasies at least of comfort an convenience. For years now, I have wondered how their sense of grievance and resentment will be expressed when the supermarket shelves run bare and the cardboard signs get taped over the local gas pump and the cable TV gets cut off for non-payment. You wonder, to put it bluntly, how far gone we really are.

Blagojevich Resignation Speech

Rod Blagojevich and his hair

The Cliff Blog has obtained a draft of the upcoming "Hot" Rod Blagojevich resignation speech. It is reprinted here as a perk to Cliff Blog readers:

***
"Greetings everyone. Greetings to the citizens of Illinois, the United States, and the world. "Season's Greetings" to the citizens of Illinois, the United States, and the world.

"I'm sure you are aware that this administration faces tough allegations. Allegations which will eventually be proven false. However, the allegations have affected this administration's ability to govern, and I, Rod Blagojevich, am hereby resigning my position as Governor of the State of Illinois.

"I would like to take this opportunity to offer some additional information in the form of three points.

"Firstly, during my term as Governor of Illinois, I have found it ironic how such a screwed up and corrupted state, could build such a fantastic city, namely Chicago. How, over the decades of scandal, did we manage to create such an intricate place of architecture blended with those crazy stuffed crust pizza pies? It really defies imagination.

"Secondly, for all those haters: this morning, I issued the Illinois Governor's executive order number 312-708-773-847 which officially abolishes the Chicago Cubs. Local fans seem OK, however, there are legions of "wannabes" throughout the country that, frankly are getting on everyone's nerves. My recommendation to those fans which are NOT annoying, is to start following the Cincinnati Reds. I mean, with Joey Votto, Brandon Phillips, Jay Bruce, Edinson Volquez, Johnny Cueto, etc...what's not to like? They're a really cool team and every so often they win the World Series!

"GO REDS!

"In any event, a demolition crew will begin work at 1060 W Addison in early 2009. By opening day, the ballpark will no longer exist. Neither will the team. By 2010, we will have built "The Shoppes of Wrigley Towne Centre" at the site. You're going to want to bring your SUV to this development, for all the crap you're gonna buy!

"Finally, the hair is real, and it is FABULOUS!

"Thank you, and good night!"

Confucius Wisdom

Grasshoppa-
When undergoing prep for colonoscopy, remember to duct tape legs to toilet seat. Otherwise you suffer "space shuttle effect" and end up beyond moon.

Big Stinky Mess

Recently the talking heads on TV and the man on the street seem to be conveying the idea that the economy is all about the stock market. That, if we can just do something, anything to get the stock market to go UP on a daily basis, then we have ourselves a healthy economy- truly a ridiculous notion.

The bad news is, it's not that easy. The NYSE, NASDAQ, and other trading markets, in and of themselves, are not our "ECONOMY". Rather, they are reactionary indicators of the economic climate. Furthermore, they always lead, which is to say they are short term predictors.

Given that the markets are indicators/predictors, what they are currently telling us is that they believe the good ole USA is BROKE BROKE BROKE! Let's face it, there is a mountain of debt in this country, both public and private, and much of it is unsecured.

So, let's take our medicine this time, as opposed to throwing more unsecured debt at the already unsecured debt. "Taking our medicine" includes letting the automotive industry die, since their products, and the infrastructure we've built around them, are a huge part of our problem.



MMVIII = BAD YEAR

Spellebrex (spellenfiltranitratomoxcylinfan)

I alwaz dreemd of havig my own bloog, but I phelt lik it waz a bad idea 4 me too start a bloog, sence I hav a spulling problum.

Then I talkt too my ductor about Spulebrex. He sed it hulps milyuns of peepl jus lik me an he rote me a prediction.

He sed it wood not hulp with the stoopidty.

***Once I started on Spellebrex, I realized I could have a blog! But that wasn't all, I could also send e-mails, write ransom notes, and forge Government forms!

Thanks Spellebrex, you're the best!

***All medicines may cause side effects, but many people have no, or minor, side effects when using Spellebrex. Check with your ductor if any of these COMMON side effects persist or become bothersome when using Spellebrex:

+Eye burning or irritation
+Itching, pain, redness, stinging, or swelling
+Headache
+Herpes
+General hallucinogenic visions
+Increased SNOT production
+Incessant babbling (however, this is normal in "annoying" patients)
+Incessant blogging
+Incessant ANYTHING

Seek medical attention right away if any of these SEVERE side effects occur when using Spellebrex:

+Severe allergic reactions (rash/hives/itching/difficulty breathing/swelling of the mouth, face, lips, or ENTIRE HEAD)
+Explosive diarrhea/projectile vomiting
+Projectile diarrhea/explosive vomiting
+Even more herpes
+A specific hallucinogenic vision involving turtles
+An overwhelming sense of panic that the universe is disappearing before you, and that it's your fault
+Suicidal thoughts
+Death (you may need to have your next of kin contact your ductor if this side effect occurs)

Patients who use Spellebrex should not operate machinery or sneeze. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Spellebrex because it will really screw up the baby.

More than Ponies

On a recent excursion through the miserable state of Kentucky, I noticed a sign, posted by said state, promoting the "Kentucky Bourbon Trail". My initial surprise that the sign was unrelated to ponies quickly turned to bewilderment when I contemplated the hypocrisy evident in the "Bourbon Trail" marketecture. On the one hand, Kentucky strictly forbids drinking and driving, on the other, the "Bourbon Trail" is little more than a bunch of hard liquor distilleries clustered along Interstate 64.

Furthermore, this ambiguity exists in the state that was the scene of the nation's worst drunk driving accident.

***

Subsequently, I visited the bourbon trail website and discovered the following logo:



Check it out, it's a cartoonish rendering of a couple bourbon barrels rolling down a highway. What an image!

Continued exploration of the website revealed the following:



That's right, a spelling error! The webmaster is probably loaded on bourbon!

Be careful citizens, the webmaster hops in an automobile and drives home around 5p...