Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Checkout

No one ever pays any attention to the light. Go ahead and turn your light off, it won't make any difference, because if there is a clerk scanning groceries, people are going to line up.

What does this tell you? It tells me you should keep that checkout lane open, and it tells you the same thing.

So, take your smoke break after the rush is over- or better yet, skip the smoke break and bring some carts in from the parking lot.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Kentucky Haiku

Sales taxes on booze?
Tobacco a way of life?
Kentucky- goodbye.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Chandelier Cloud

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Pigeons are at it again


This is just despicable. This photo debunks the idea that bird droppings are random. For crying out loud! Look at that pigeon! It has intent and clearly knows what it's doing.

...and, as if that wasn't bad enough- children? C'mon!

I can no longer look the other way on the statue defecation, but I can look the other way when the Bengalberry stadium is concerned. A blog must stay consistent, afterall.

Somehow, this little boy must be avenged, Bengalberry fans excepted.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Tilt a Whirl


Rumor has it they are going to build a rotating tower in Dubai.


Nuts!

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Feckless Gov

The inverse of "too big to fail" is "too small to succeed" which seems to be apropos given what the U.S. government has been up to recently.

This humble blogger suggests that what really needs to fail here is the biggest one of them all, the U.S. government itself. Maybe the "failure v. size" thesis needs some modification?

The self employed are "too small to succeed." Confiscate what they have.
AIG, BofA, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac are "too big to fail." Bail them out.
The U.S. government is "so big it should fail." Nah, start another program.

But seriously, the question must be asked, "who bails out the bailer outters?"

***

Consumer debt EQUALS GDP these days so remarks such as "credit is the lifeblood of the economy" are not entirely accurate. What follows, "we need to get the banks lending again" is also an over simplification. The system currently in place has lead to this malfeasance and it's time for it to stop.

When it does, one would assume gov's confiscations will also stop, and that everyone will get paid under the table. You know, like the drug dealers do.

The drug dealers seem to have built a pretty good distribution network, unencumbered by taxation, while we pay taxes to try and chase them down, to try and incarcerate them. I wonder if the drug dealers are "too big to fail?" I wonder if they will survive the collapse of gov?

Crank of America at $1.50/share? BUY!
DopeCo at $1.75/share? BUY!
Crackie Mac at $2.00/share? BUY!
Methie Mae at $2.25/share? BUY!

***

The operation that was "too small to succeed" will, in fact, flourish, for it is that operation that actually DOES something in this world. Going up and up the hierarchy, where you reach top elected officials, the Wall Street crowd, et al. results in a clueless class that operates solely in abstractions.

The clueless class benefits only if they can maintain the status quo. A status quo that, everywhere you look, seems more and more like a Madoff Ponzi scheme.

Ponzi scheme? I'll give you a Ponzi scheme, it's called Social Security. Social Security is the mother of all bailouts and is also where this is all heading. China will VETO that bailout, and the U.S. will fall.

Let's just get it over with...

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Bride takes a swim

A friend of mine found this:


Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The Fountain of Nonsense

A post office is next door to a laundromat. Thats apparent from the exterior. Even a 2 yr old could look at the post office and make the appropriate synaptic connections required to determine that, indeed, a laundromat is nextdoor.

But, step into the post office and you forget that the laundromat is nextdoor. Maybe it has something to do with the fact, that as you approach the post office, the laundromat moves from your direct vision to your peripheral vision, then it moves completely out of your field of vision as you get to the line drawn by the 10ft radius from the door of the post office. And, really, that only applies if you come in perpendicular, like from the gas station.

So, you're inside the post office,
 and maybe you've been
going to this post
office for 10yrs
 and maybe you've always
noticed that it
smelled really
nice in there.

***

When something is taken for granted, obliviousness, such as a life in the "land of plenty" or a "nice smell"...well, it really hurts to have the tables turned.

***

At what point do you change into your "stretchies" after work? This question does not apply to my "scrubs" friends.

Sometimes I find myself in work clothes several hours after the shift.

***

Donelda "lived vertical" and, at times this simple fact of her life made her feel like she was "losing her mind". For instance, there were countless occasions when she felt the need to go to a different floor of her home. However, upon arriving on the alternate floor, she immediately forgot why she had used the stairs in the first place.

Was she there to fetch paper clips, or a screw driver, or a screwdriver? Bewildered, she often found other, less immediate things to do on that floor- with the hope the original intention would resurface. If it didn't, she could find herself back on the floor where she started, only to undergo a "deja vu" by being back in that environment. This could eventually turn into a sisyphus style experience:

:LOOP
remember, stairs, forget, stairs
:goto LOOP


No need to make a comment like, "Hey Donelda, keep things such as paperclips, screw drivers, and screwdrivers on every floor!" She's already done that, genius.

Furthermore, she doesn't use "goto" when she programs either. It's only a hypothetical to describe the sisyphus thing, dig?

***

Scrubs, by the way, are a compromise between employees and management. Employees, outside of those that actually provide healthcare, like the generous fit (fer crying out loud, they're like wearing pajamas!) and employers, at one time, had to keep them happy.

***

In the end, it's really critical to write something, anything. Those that cannot write, cannot live [completely].


***

WARNING: This fountain never goes off.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Surf Phone


...a road weary traveler arrived at his destination. The usual arrival procedures ensued: unloading the vessel and "moving in" so to speak. Part of these procedures included dealing with personal effects: keys to a house thats 300mi away, some cash bundled with some credit cards, a drivers license, and that ambiguous device of modern life- a mobile phone.

"I'll just put this phone right here on this available, horizontal surface. After all, this esteemed host of mine has cluttered up his place with all kinds of trash (literally, other people's trash) that he finds on garbage night.

"But, even if he found whatever this hoogie stand is in the trash/garbage, it will still make a nice spot for my phone...

"It's almost like this spot was designated for my phone, what with the power outlet so nearby...and I like those little pebbles at the bottom of my adopted "phone stand". Golly!

"Now, back to the vessel."

***


Another ritual to the arrival process in this place was also underway: the customary ordering of a stuffed crust pie ("excellent" spoken Montgomery Burns' style). As a man crawling through the desert craves water, so too does a man driving through the void crave stuffed crust pie.

Well, what do you know? The host himself has arrived only moments prior to the pie delivery. Everything is set- turn on that television, hey is that channel with "the cat" still on the air? That always cracked me up.

***


Satiated from stuffed crust consumption, couch potatodom combined with TV viewing (the new American way) begins in earnest. There must be a game on one of these crazy cable channels, right?

***


around 2hrs pass

*gurgle, gurgle, gurgle*

Sheesh! That sounds like my mobile phone, but somehow not. It's as if someone submerged my mobile phone in the toilet.

Wait a minute! That's not a phone stand, it's one of those cheap fountains they make in China and sell to Americans to perpetuate their idea that they're affluent (I have one myself- different model).

But, it was void like the...
dry like the...
desert like the...
void when I got here! What could have created this sudden oasis?

Hold it- this buffoon has put his fountain on a timer and ruined my phone in the process.

Who puts his fountain on a timer in the first place? What kind of bizarre freakshow puts his fountain on a timer?

Although this fountain was on a timer, it would seem the metaphorical, fountain of stupidity never goes off...

Friday, January 16, 2009

Man of the Year

Chesley B. Sullenberger III


Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
Well, maybe land like a plane with Canadian Geese in it's engines, anyway...
for you are the water beneath my wings.