Reds season is over

The Reds baseball season has come to an end. The team finished an abysmal 72 up & 90 down- including 9 & 9 against the Chicago Cubs, which means I don't have to pay my miserable cousin $5. Unfortunately, the very same booty will not be transferred to my bank account either.

I attended 8 regular season Reds games this year, amongst 11 major league games overall. I saw 4 Reds wins and 4 Reds losses. The best game I saw was on 07.26, a bottom of the 10th walkoff single by Javier Valentin against the Brewers.

The Reds biggest problem, all season long, was the bull pen. In order to get help down there, I do not think ANY position player the Reds have should be "untouchable". Much to the contrary, I believe EVERYONE is on the table, except Brandon Phillips. Trade any combination of the rest of them for pitching, and fill the positions with the youngsters, such as Joey Votto, Jeff Keppinger, and Norris Hopper.

The end of baseball's regular season is always a somber occasion, it signals the coming coldness and darkness, anchored by the silliest time of the year. It is the final time the Reds broadcast team will call the play by play for the season on my radio.

So, I close my eyes, cross my fingers, and pray for 03.31.08- Reds vs Diamondbacks at the Great American Ballpark with the attendant opening day parade. I will ride my bike downtown that day, watch the F14s flyover, then go watch the game with the sound turned down, and the Brennamens turned up.

Hopefully, on 03.31.08, [that] one will belong to the Reds!

Communique to area Pigeons

Mr. Pigeon Commander- SUCCESS is ours!

Birthright Mikey Brown and Bob Bengalhaus are not happy with your fleet's actions. They are concerned about you and your brethren's "pooping" on Bengalberries at the publicly subsidized stadium.

Mr. Pigeon Commander, we applaud your unit's work, however, Birthright Mikey Brown seeks approval for violence in an effort to eliminate you along with your brethren. By his philosophy, when you poop on Bengalberries he loses money. Crazy, the guy has got plenty of money, but thats beside the point, you, although strange bedfellows with us, have the same objective: poop on Bengalberries. Like yourself, we feel thugs and their followers are not wild about poop in their hair and on their fancy Bengalberry apparel.

Now, here's the plan: Birthright Mikey Brown can trot out and fire his rifles BEFORE the game, however, there's NO WAY he's gonna use em once the Bengalberries begin filing into the Bengalberry stadium (which, by the way, was HEAVILY subsidized by Hamilton County taxpayers- to an intolerable degree).

So, what you do is, fly across the river to KENTUCKY. Take the ENTIRE fleet. We trust you have the hierarchy to communicate this message throughout the pigeon community.

Once you're safely in KENTUCKY, poop on everything you see.

Immediately after kickoff at the Bengalberry stadium, return to the rafters there and resume pooping on Bengalberries (many of which are actually KENTUCKIANS- it just gets weirder).

Godspeed,

Your human counterparts

Baseball stadium: Great American Ballpark, Cincinnati, OH

Grade B

Stadium is in the streetgrid, making it accessible by MetroBus which is nice. It's also accessible by the water taxi, which is a neat way to go. Of course, most Cincinnatians reach for their car keys when heading to the game, but it's nice for the rest of us to have a more humanistic method for getting there.

The light stands are fantastic, the food is good and the place feels cozy. The space is used well, especially the concourses and such in the southern half of the stadium. The way the front offices and the Hall of Fame enclose the seating bowl to the north and west are a nice touch.

It would be nice to see more of the red sandstone, which faces Mehring Way, throughout the park, but this is not the primary problem this park has.

No, the primary problem with this park is the gimmicks- and chief among them is the cartoonish outfield. The "power stacks" and more recently the steamboat pavilion in the outfield are shameful gimmickry. Although not as bad as Kentucky's persistent "Hey! We have horses" campaigns, the "Hey! We have steamboats" campaigns are wearing thin on their own. As if thats not bad enough, the way the "power stacks" and the steamboat pavilion are put together is irregular and counter intuitive. These doodads have no place in a major league ballpark.

Other gimmicks include constant video, cheerleaders, and bad music. These drawbacks are not as severe because, if management were to wise up, they could turn off some video screens, send the cheerleaders back to the malls, and let the organist take over musical duties.

Grade B

hungry hippo

eggs, a little milk, some old celery, something that has turned blue, something that has turned green, a couple cans of sprite, an onion

***fridge scan complete***

results: theres nothing to eat here

Yippee!

Note to self:

It's easier written than done, but in the face of adversity, remain positive. It is the only option. To dwell in the miseries of life is only a waste of time. Now, thats not to say "be chipper everyday"- there are just bad days. But misery as a way of life has been tried in the past. When caught doing it now, find the way out, as opposed to staying in it one second longer than necessary.

Real Men of (Notso) Genius

Today we salute you- Mr. Bengalberry Jersey Wearer
-MR. BENGALBERRY JERSEY WEARER!

Your NFL franchise, in conjunction with a spurious County Commissioner, financially bilked your community
-WHAT TIME DOES TAILGATING START?

You eschew common clothing trends and put on colors more suitable for children
-9AM IS PERFECT TO START DRINKING!

You paid a 250% markup on the garment
-BUT HEY! IT'S OFFICIALLY LICENSED!

Your beloved Bengalberries have only had one winning season in the past 16yrs
-LUV ME SOME OCHO CINCO! WHO DEY?

"DEY" are the brutal thugs who abuse women, brandish firearms, and can't spell
-BUT IT'S FUN TO SCREAM WHEN I'M LOADED!

So, heres to you, Mr. Bengalberry Jersey Wearer- ignorance is bliss...
-SURE I CAN DRIVE HOME!

commission to avoid acting like sheeple, cincinnati, OHIO